by

Belo Cipriani

One of the first phobias I recall developing was fear of the dark. I would often try to bargain with my parents to let me keep my bedroom light on. Initially, my family was okay with it and would just turn off the lights once I was asleep. However, by the time I was in the first grade, they wanted to break the habit.

My mom’s booming botanica business kept both my parents busy and away from home most of the time. My older sisters, like most siblings, preyed on my fear, making me hysterical and unable to sleep. Notes from my teacher stating that I frequently fell asleep in class gave my mom the idea to take me out of school for a few days and talk to me about my nyctophobia.

I was thrilled to miss school and finally get to see where my parents worked. The shop was made up of two equally large rooms. The back room was where my dad spent most of the time on the phone or unpacking items. My mom managed the front and dealt with all the customers. I spent the first couple of hours sniffing oils, candles, and bags with dried plants, while my mom helped the numerous men and women who visited the shop. Later in the afternoon, the crowd died down, and my mom began to ask me questions. “So, are you having nightmares?”

I softly answered in the negative and explained that I hated to be in the dark. I could not put my thoughts into words, but she seemed to understand my choppy answers. She pulled her long red hair away from her face and sat me on the glass countertop next to the cash register. She brought statues to me and began to explain who they were, taking breaks to help customers.

As I learned who each figure was, I paid attention to the people who bought the statues. In the course of a few days, I learned about Shiva, Buddha, Jesus, and what a menorah represented. She told me how darkness is only scary because it’s hard to see what is around, but we could all create our own light. Placing her hands over my eyes, she had me imagine the lights she was talking about. I remember seeing white and red lights floating, and I cheered when I realized I could beat the dark.

Being blind combined my adult fear of being alone and my childhood fear of darkness. I have sometimes felt that because I could not see people, they could not see me either. After two years in blindness, I often found the need to psych myself up some mornings before starting the day. I would spend hours in my dorm room, lying in bed, thinking about how only two years prior, I was able to see.

This particular morning, I was suffering from the biggest self-doubt episode I had encountered since the days immediately following the first surgery. I had broken up with Nate a few days earlier and was starting to feel unsure about my decision. I was afraid that I would never find someone else who would run errands, read my mail, or buy Madge (my guide dog) toys.

After basking in sorrow and doubt for a while, I reluctantly got up and began to get ready to take the train to San Francisco. I fed and relieved Madge, smiling at how she would do her business on command. Ironically, what I thought would be the toughest part of working with a guide dog was by far to me the easiest aspect of the partnership. I placed my duffel bag on my bed and began to stuff in clothes and toiletries, taking short breaks to enjoy a song on the radio and dance with Madge. I was ready to head down to the Caltrain station, when I reached for my bag and noticed something poking out from the zipper. I dug my fingers past the metal teeth and realized Madge had stuffed her Nylabone in the bag.

Wiping a tear from my cheek, I kneeled down and gave Madge a hug. My fears may never quite go away, but knowing I had a four-legged night-light put me at ease.

(Can be downloaded in Volume 3, Issue 11 & 12).

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Click on the cover to download the issue. Enjoy… and happy holidays!

Poetry:
Emily Hayes “The Elevator”
Jessie Carty “The Letter W”
Sami Schalk “Upload, Save, Delete”

From November 2010 issue

Poetry:
Gene McCormick “Two Rouge Fruits Duke It Out”
Sweta Srivastava Vikram “Enough”

Short story:
Mark Conkling “Parable Of The Dishwasher”

Creative Nonfiction:
Myra Bellin “Shattered Illusions”

From January 2011 issue

Poetry:
Adam Crittenden “A Moment In The Life Of Tin Man’s Girlfriend”

Short story:
K.W. Taylor “Phlegmatic”

Creative Nonfiction:
Logan Williams “Quotes Of Our Childhood”

Good luck to these talented writers! More information about Best of The Net and last year’s winners.

You can download this PDF at your reading leisure, and if you’d like to leave feedback about any of the pieces that you’ve read, please do so in the comments section.

Click on the cover to download the issue (and it will take a bit to download; this issue has the most artwork we’ve ever accepted!)

Or visit below:

You can download this PDF at your reading leisure, and if you’d like to leave feedback about any of the pieces that you’ve read, please do so in the comments section.

Click on the cover to download the issue

Or view below:

You can download this PDF at your reading leisure, and if you’d like to leave comments about any of the pieces that you’ve read, please do so.

Click on the cover to download the issue

Or view below:

Our three nominations are:
1. Serena Tome’s poem “Tease” (p. 60 in Vol. 1, Issue 3 & 4)
2.  Austin Eichelberger’s short story “Hazardous Conditions” (p. 93 in Vol. 1, Issue 3 & 4).
3. Jewel Beth Davis’ personal essay “The Unexamined Life” (p. 40 in Vol. 2, Issue 6).

If you haven’t had a chance to read these pieces, we highly recommend that you do now (Check out the Archives)! Best of luck to our nominated writers!

You can download this PDF at your reading leisure, and if you’d like to leave comments about any of the pieces that you’ve read, please do so in the comments section.

Click on the cover to download the issue:

Or view below:

You can download this PDF at your reading leisure, and if you’d like to leave comments about any of the pieces that you’ve read, please do so in the comments section.

Click on the cover to download the issue:

Or enjoy browsing below:

Cover art: The Space Between Us Is Small by Chantel Schott.

**Note: You must have Adobe Reader installed on your computer to read this. You may download it for free at http://www.adobe.com.

You can download this PDF at your reading leisure, and if you’d like to leave comments about any of the pieces that you’ve read, please do so in the comments section.

Click on the cover to download the issue:

Or enjoy browsing below:

Cover art: Cheeky Lady (Does My Bum Look Big In This? by Jacqueline McKenzie.

**Note: You must have Adobe Reader installed on your computer to read this. You may download it for free at http://www.adobe.com.